Muhasabah (Self-criticism or Self-interrogation)
Seek and discover one’s inwardness and spiritual depth
Acquire true human value and develop the sentiments that encourage them
Distinguish between what is good and bad and what is beneficial or harmful to him throughout his life
Through continuous self-criticism, a man is enabled to evaluate the present and prepare for the future
Through self-criticism, you can make up for past mistakes and be absolved in the sight of God
Need to constantly realize self-renewal in your inner world in order to achieve a steady relationship with God - depends on whether you can live a spiritual life and are aware of what takes place in your inner world
A stable internal you can bring forth a wise external you
Find Your Partner: "I want to get married"
Reasons to get married:
Obeying the Prophet s.a.w and carrying out his Sunnah:
“O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry.” - Al-Bukhari 5065
Protection of physical and spiritual chastity that keeps the couple away from the temptations of the Satan:
Allah SWT mentioned: “And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)” - Al- Mu'minun 23:5
To achieve mutual affection, mercy and love:
Allah SWT says: “And He has put between you affection and mercy” - Ar-Rum 30:21
Find Your Partner: "I am ready for marriage"
Principles of Perfect Partner:
Remembering the honour
The lady you like belongs to someone (her honour)
The guy you like belongs to someone (his honour)
Setting Standards and Expectations
Istikhaarah and Istishaarah
A respectful approach - always get someone involved
Surrender your heart to god
Find Your Partner: "Needs" Checklist
Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed” (Bukhari, Muslim)
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:“A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character), so marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper.” (Bukhari)
Marriage should not be forced; a personal choice: “Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner.” (2:232)
A man said to Hassan al-Basriy: “To whom should I marry my daughter?” “To one who fears Allah, for if he comes to love her, he will honour her, and if he disliked her, he will not oppress her.”
Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) was reported to have said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.” (Abu Dawud). Fertility here concerns both parties, it’s not only women who suffer from infertility.
Find Your Partner: "Wants" Checklist
Identify your love language:
Presentation of gifts
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Find Your Partner: Istikhaarah vs Hajat Prayer
Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah: The Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach us the way of doing istikhaarah (to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning any job or a deed), in all matters as he taught us the Surats of the Quran. He said, “If anyone of you think of doing any job, he should offer a two rakaat prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer).
Istikhaarah is performed when you are still undecided between two options, for example.
Hajat Prayer: The Prayer of Need - Solatul hajat is performed when you have decided (e.g. intend to marry someone) and ask Allah swt to ease your path to get married to him/her.
Find Your Partner: Istishaarah and Ta'aruf
Istishaarah is when you ask for genuine information of the other from people closest to him/her (e.g. siblings, friends, relatives, teachers) to have a better understanding of your potential partner
Only acquire Information that is not too personal but enough to let your worries fade
Ta'aruf is the process of getting to know your potential partner in depth.
Possible questions to consider:
Which mahzab do you follow? E.g. Syafi'i
What are your opinions on certain matters? E.g. important matters pertaining to vaccinations for your parents/children, education etc.
What illnesses are you suffering from? E.g. Cancer (be fair and transparent to your partner and his/her family)