3rd May 2019



Mochtar Riady Auditorium


Ustaza Liyana Musfira


Key Takeaways


Find Yourself
Muhasabah (Self-criticism or Self-interrogation)

  • Seek and discover one’s inwardness and spiritual depth

  • Acquire true human value and develop the sentiments that encourage them

  • Distinguish between what is good and bad and what is beneficial or harmful to him throughout his life

  • Through continuous self-criticism, a man is enabled to evaluate the present and prepare for the future


Find God

  • Through self-criticism, you can make up for past mistakes and be absolved in the sight of God

  • Need to constantly realize self-renewal in your inner world in order to achieve a steady relationship with God - depends on whether you can live a spiritual life and are aware of what takes place in your inner world

  • A stable internal you can bring forth a wise external you


Find Your Partner: "I want to get married" 
Reasons to get married:

  • Obeying the Prophet s.a.w and carrying out his Sunnah: 

  • “O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry.” - Al-Bukhari 5065

  • Protection of physical and spiritual chastity that keeps the couple away from the temptations of the Satan:

  • Allah SWT mentioned: “And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)” - Al- Mu'minun 23:5

  • To achieve mutual affection, mercy and love:

  • Allah SWT says: “And He has put between you affection and mercy” - Ar-Rum 30:21


Find Your Partner: "I am ready for marriage"

Principles of Perfect Partner:

  • Remembering the honour

  • The lady you like belongs to someone (her honour)

  • The guy you like belongs to someone (his honour)

  • Setting Standards and Expectations

  • Istikhaarah and Istishaarah

  • A respectful approach - always get someone involved

  • Surrender your heart to god


Find Your Partner: "Needs" Checklist

  • Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed” (Bukhari, Muslim)

  • Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:“A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character), so marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper.” (Bukhari)

  • Marriage should not be forced; a personal choice: “Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner.” (2:232)

  • A man said to Hassan al-Basriy: “To whom should I marry my daughter?” “To one who fears Allah, for if he comes to love her, he will honour her, and if he disliked her, he will not oppress her.”

  • Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) was reported to have said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.” (Abu Dawud). Fertility here concerns both parties, it’s not only women who suffer from infertility.


Find Your Partner: "Wants" Checklist
Identify your love language:

  • Quality time

  • Presentation of gifts

  • Words of affirmation

  • Acts of service

  • Physical touch


Find Your Partner: Istikhaarah vs Hajat Prayer

  • Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah: The Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach us the way of doing istikhaarah (to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning any job or a deed), in all matters as he taught us the Surats of the Quran. He said, “If anyone of you think of doing any job, he should offer a two rakaat prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer).

  • Istikhaarah is performed when you are still undecided between two options, for example. 

  • Hajat Prayer: The Prayer of Need - Solatul hajat is performed when you have decided (e.g. intend to marry someone) and ask Allah swt to ease your path to get married to him/her.


Find Your Partner: Istishaarah and Ta'aruf

  • Istishaarah is when you ask for genuine information of the other from people closest to him/her (e.g. siblings, friends, relatives, teachers) to have a better understanding of your potential partner  

  • Only acquire Information that is not too personal but enough to let your worries fade

  • Ta'aruf is the process of getting to know your potential partner in depth.

  • Possible questions to consider:

  • Which mahzab do you follow? E.g. Syafi'i

  • What are your opinions on certain matters? E.g. important matters pertaining to vaccinations for your parents/children, education etc.

  • What illnesses are you suffering from? E.g. Cancer (be fair and transparent to your partner and his/her family)